Letting myself go
“Letting go doesn't mean that
you don't care about someone anymore. It's just realizing that the only person
you really have control over is yourself.”
― Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul
― Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul
I don’t know why but I always had problem making friends.
Was it because I am too boring, can’t crack jokes or was it something else? I
longed for an answer and at the same time envied people who were popular among
everyone. I longed to be like them. I wanted to be the live of the party but
then at the same time I disliked having too many people around me for no
reason. I cursed myself because I didn't think and didn't act like my class
mates. I eat clumsily in public and I am okay with it. But I try to eat like
every other girl. Why should I have different opinion than what is circulated
in the mainstream media? Can’t I just be like everyone else who loves selfies
and KFCs? Why should I continue feeling guilty about the things I did long
back? Why do I alienate myself from others by giving curt replies? All these
used to sit in my shoulders making me feel out of place. Not anymore.
It took just one visit to a waterfall to reduce my imaginary
problems into ashes. I feel free. I don’t have to pretend or poke myself every
now and then. I will be the way I am. For seven years, I tried to change myself
with little success.
I had made up my mind, if people dislike me for how I am let
it be. I am tired and exhausted. This freedom had a very positive side effect.
I was now more open towards people. I began clicking selfies when eating which
I thought I could never do. I started building relationship which seemed
useless till that day. I don’t feel
guilty any more. I accepted it is life and that’s how life is. I may not join in
some activities but that doesn't mean I am uncomfortable with it. Now, I don’t have
the tendency to attach myself with a guy.
A little distance makes everything clearer. Now, I am 3000
kilometres away from home. Letting myself go actually made me free. The song
“let it go” now makes so much sense.
I am now more aware of myself. I can handle nicely my positive
and negative elements. Not every change is good. Brooding over the negative
elements is useless. It is time to live.
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